BUSH URGES WORLD UNITE TO FIND CURE FOR RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME

FIRST ROBOT MOVIE CRITIC APPEARS ON EBERT AND ROEPER, PANS TERMINATOR IV

ZEUS, ATHENA AND OTHER GREEK GODS CEASE BICKERING, BUY TIME SHARE

SWISS ACTUARY KILLED IN SAUNA BY RABID MARMOT

PENGUIN MAFIA MUSCLES IN ON FLOE

UNIV. OF MICHIGAN SCIENTISTS LOCATE VAGUE DISQUIET CENTER IN BRAIN

PETCO UNVEILS MORE EFFECTIVE FRUIT BAT CLEANSER

UNHAPPY DOG HAS CAT-CHANGE SURGERY

CHENEY LEAVES DANCING WITH THE STARS IN DISGRACE

IN SHOCKING REBUKE AT ANNUAL MEETING, UPPER CLASS BRANDS TRUMP "NOT CLASSY"