RADICAL LABOR FRIES ATTEMPT TO ORGANIZE INTO POTATO

DAMIEN HIRST FURTHER ENCRUSTS $100m DIAMOND SKULL WITH THICK LAYER OF BEARER BONDS

POLICE BUST UP GLOBAL NERD RING

BIOLOGISTS' CONCERNS GROW AS PRESSURED ELEPHANTS BEGIN ARMING THEMSELVES

NEWS FROM ISRAEL: PALESTINIAN, JEWISH FALAFEL STANDS AGREE TO DISAGREE/h4>

APPLE RELEASES iFRIEND, WHICH IMPROVES UPON ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATIONS FROM ACTUAL FRIENDS

MAN ARRESTED FOR BRANDISHING POTATO CHIP AT BUSH

AREA PIMP MUST GO AS "HORTON" HEARS A 'HO

DIRECTOR OF CHEKOV FILM TENSES FURTHER AS PRODUCER BRINGS IN NEW EXPLOSIVES EXPERTS

UNIVERSITY OF AUSTRALIA THEOLOGY STUDY: MYSTERIOUS GATHERING OF KOALAS MAY FORESHADOW KANGAPOCOLYPSE

PRETEND MURDERER GOES "BANG!"