Thursday, August 28, 2008

TABLOID SAYS THEY HAVE 78 SECOND RACHEL RAY SEX TAPE


CARMEN SANDIEGO CAPTURED AFTER WORLD-WIDE SEARCH; WILL BE CHARGED WITH WAR CRIMES


PORTLAND CYCLIST SURVIVES CRASH ONLY TO BE KILLED BY PACK OF ENRAGED HYENAS


JOHN EDWARDS REGRETS AFFAIR WITH JOHN McCAIN


SNEAKY GIRLFRIEND UNLEASHES SECRET PRESENT-INDUCING CAMPAIGN


UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN SCIENTISTS DISCOVER GENE WHICH CAUSES SLIGHT ANNOYANCE AT APPARENT WASTE OF PRECIOUS SCIENCE RESOURCES


POLYAMOROUS MARIN COUNTY ORGY INTERRUPTED BY EARNEST DEMOCRATIC PARTY ORGANIZERS


SCIENTISTS UNVEIL ROBOT FRIEND DESIGNED TO NEVER TOTALLY BAIL ON YOU


WEIGHING ASPECTS CAREFULLY, MAN AT 7-11 CONCLUDES WASABI CHIPS WILL PROVIDE BEST TEMPORARY RELIEF FROM GNAWING DESPAIR



IN A TODAY'S URGENT HEADLINES WEATHER: OUTLOOK GREAT FOR PINEAPPLE SEASON IN SIBERIA