Sunday, March 08, 2009

CONFUSION AS MISTAKE GOES AWRY


POWER OUTAGE UN-ROCKS METAL COMMUNITY


BANK ROBS ITSELF


BIG TOAD COMMAND BEST LILYPAD!


SUICIDAL OAK TREE PHONES LUMBERYARD


WOMAN DISAPPOINTED IN DEAD BOYFRIEND


CEOS BONUSES LIMITED TO EXTRA SNACKS WHICH FALL IN VENDING MACHINES


MONGOLIAN FULLY AWARE OF YURT


NOBEL COMMITTEE ANNOUNCES NEW PRIZE FOR RAWK


BUFFALO GAL UNABLE TO COME OUT TONIGHT: BUSY ON FACEBOOK


JOHN BOEHNER LOOKS AT TIME, HURRIES BACK TO CRYPT


SPEECH EXPERTS SAY OBAMA USES HALTING PAUSES TO STIFLE GIGGLES WHILE RECALLING LINES FROM "CADDYSHACK"


BRIEF DANCE CONTRACT TERMS CLEVERLY HIDDEN UNDER ENORMOUS BREASTS


ROBOTS LAID OFF, CRUSHED



IN A TODAY'S URGENT HEADLINES URGENT OPINIONS, BY A BEAVER: "YOUR ECONOMIC THEORY IS VERY INTERESTING, BUT IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME, I FEEL COMPELLED TO GNAW DOWN THIS BIRCH TREE."